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I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.