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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors