Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.