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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.