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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."