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I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...