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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
he who laughs last thinks slow
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.