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When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
Your things are terrific.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
heyy lol
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.