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I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.