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I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.