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Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver