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My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
I`m never free but I`m available.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.