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The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I was confused... What is leftover wine?
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
You are wasting your time reading this status.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.