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Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?