Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.