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My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.