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To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.