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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.