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“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.