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There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.
Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.