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"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.