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One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Being alive is so expensive.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.