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Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.