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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
Better late than pregnant.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.