Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.