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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.