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The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
Honk if you are reading this.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
Lol at birds that walk places.
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.