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A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
My anger management class pisses me off
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.