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Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night