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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.