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McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
There is no time to check time
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?