Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
´s status message is better than yours
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.