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Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
i only drink on days that end with y
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas