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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
How do I tell a man he loves me?
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!