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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.