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Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?