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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside