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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
The covers of this book are too far apart.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
I look so young for my rage.
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.