Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.