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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.