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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok