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You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords