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Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.