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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.