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Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.