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The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.