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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.