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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!