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I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.