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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.