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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.